I Did Not Know What To Say Blog

Posts Tagged ‘grief resoure newsletter’

What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 26, 2011

Knowing what not to say can be just as important as finding the right words to comfort a loved one when they are grieving.  Many of the following sayings might seem on the surface to be the “right” thing to say; after all you have probably heard them said at a funeral.  However, to a person grieving these common “words of support” encourage them to deny their true emotions and can be hurtful.

Here are a few sayings to try to avoid:

  1. The I’ll be there For You…But Not Really Response.
     
    Call me if you need to talk! (but the person is always too busy to talk to you).
     

    When you are feeling extremely vulnerable, you want to be able to count on friends and family to be there for you.  One of the most common stories I have heard from those that are grieving, are that friends and even family often avoid them when they need them the most.  Try to do your best to return phone calls and stop by and listen.  It may seem difficult at times but it can be truly healing to a friend in need.
     
  2. The Look on the Bright Side Response
    Your loss is nothing compared to what I heard in the news the other day, you should be thankful.  You are young; you can always have another child.  Don’t worry, you can always get remarried.  Don’t be sad, they are in a better place now.  Your mother lived a long life; you shouldn’t be upset that she passed away.  
     

    Grief is unique to each individual.  Just because someone else’s life may be more dramatic does not make your friend’s pain any less important to them.  Allow your loved one to freely share their personal story. 
     
  3. The Overly Negative Response
    You must feel so lost.  Things are really going to be awful for you for awhile.  You poor thing, life will never be the same. You must have a dark cloud over you.  How do you think your loved one would feel if they saw you like this?  If you were more religious these things would not be happening to you.
     

    Someone who is grieving is already feeling overwhelmed and sad.  These negative comments have a way of making someone feel even worse.  If you are really trying to sympathize with their feelings, try asking them how they are feeling and allow them to express what they are going through.
     
  4. The Just Get Over It Response
     
    Are you better now?  Your loved one passed away so long ago, why are you still upset?  Crying and being depressed will not bring your loved one back.  Oh it’s just an animal, you can get another one.
     

    Grief is not a disease or a psychological condition you can take a pill for and be cured.  You don’t “just get over it”. When you have experienced a loss, you learn day by day to live your life without your loved one but the loss is not erased from your memory.  Allow your friend to heal at their own pace.

Wow, so is there anything you can say? 

Most people do not consciously say things to be hurtful.  They have either heard them said a hundred times so they don’t understand how they might affect someone or they become so nervous about saying the “right” thing that the words come out awkward.

One of the most important things to remember when you are trying to comfort a grieving friend is to not diminish their feelings.   Grief is normal.  You may become uncomfortable when watching someone go through the deep emotional pain that can occur when someone is grieving, that is normal too.  If you desire to be a supportive friend, allow the person to feel the full range of emotions they are feeling – both the celebration of the person’s life and the deep feelings of loss and loneliness.   By allowing grief to take its natural progression you will assist your friend reach a sense of balance in their life. 

The best thing you can do is keep it simple and heartfelt.   Not sure what to say… why not start with asking yourself this simple question… What would you like someone to say to you if you lost a loved one?  

Remember to…Hug them, Love them, Show up and Listen.  You will do more for your friend by showing up and listening than any words can ever say. 

© 2011 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Advertisements

Posted in What Not To Say, What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter Archives

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 9, 2011

We invite you to join our free newsletter mailing list on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.

Our past issues are listed below for you to explore and pass on to your friends or family members that may find the information helpful.

Are you an expert in the grief recovery field? Do you have a story about your own life experience dealing with the loss of a loved one that you would like to share? Do you have tips or suggestions on how to assist a loved one after a loss? We would love to hear from you. We are open to article and story submissions for our website, newsletter and Facebook page. Please email us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

If you have a product or service that you would like to advertise on our website or in one of our upcoming newsletters, please visit our website for more details on our advertising opportunities – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/advertise.html

We invite you to explore our Newsletter Archive

WELCOME Newsletter
Featured Article: What To Say… When You Don’t Know What To Say
by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

AUGUST 2009 Newsletter
Featured Article: SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I?
by Ann Leach, President, Life Preservers: a global grief support community

SEPTEMBER 2009 Newsletter
Featured Article: Operation: Heaven
Writings & Tips for those who know someone who has lost their hero in the military.
by Taryn Davis – Founder/President, The American Widow Project

OCTOBER 2009 Newsletter
Featured Article: The Simple Ingredients for a Less Stressful Life
by Jill Rheaume

NOVEMBER 2009 Newsletter – Happy Thanksgiving
Featured Article: Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season
by Lori Pederson

DECEMBER 2009 Newsletter – Happy Holidays
Featured Article: Less Than Perfect
by Lori Pederson

JANUARY 2010 Newsletter – HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Where we have been… Where we are going… & How you can assist us reach our goals in 2010

FEBRUARY 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: Are Grief & Depression the Same Thing?
by Mark D. Miller M.D.

MARCH 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: Our Interview with Mary-Suzanne Peters on Reference Point Therapy

APRIL 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: What Grieving Moms Want for Mother’s Day: The Comfort Company Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother’s Day Hurts

MAY 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: The Gift of Listening
by Lori Pederson

JUNE 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: What to Do on Father’s Day When Dad is Deceased
by Laurie Mueller, RTC, ID, AED, MEd

JULY 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: Tips for Feeding Grieving Friends
by Tamar Fox

AUGUST 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: A Hug to Remember
by Lori Pederson

SEPTEMBER 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

OCTOBER 2010 Newsletter
Featured Article: On Writing: Your Stories Can Heal Your Heart
by Joan Hitchens, Storybooks for Healing

NOVEMBER 2010 Newsletter – Happy Thanksgiving
Featured Article: Five Things You Can Do For a Grieving Widow
by Marcy Kelly, Author of From Sorrow to Dancing

DECEMBER 2010 Newsletter – Happy Holidays
Featured Article: 12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season
by Lori Pederson

JANUARY 2011 Newsletter – Happy New Year!
Featured Article: The Art of the Inspirational Adventure
Helping your Love One Find Fun & Adventure in the Grieving Process
by Lori Pederson, Founder I Did Not Know What To Say

FEBRUARY 2011 Newsletter – Happy Valentine’s Day
Featured Article: HAVE A “SINGLE-Y SENSATIONAL” VALENTINE’S DAY
by Carole Brody Fleet, Author of Widows Wear Stilettos

MARCH 2011 Newsletter
Featured Article: The Myths Surrounding Suicide
by Catherine Greenleaf

APRIL 2011 Newsletter
Featured Article: What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One
by Lori Pederson

Posted in Grief Resources - Newsletter, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Don’t Miss Our Monthly Newsletter

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on January 20, 2011

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss.

January 2011 – Featured Article:

 The Art of the Inspirational Adventure
Helping your Love One Find Fun & Adventure in the Grieving Process
by Lori Pederson, Founder I Did Not Know What To Say

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter: http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.

Plus You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Grief Resources - Newsletter, Inspiration, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

How to Support Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One – 21 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on June 17, 2010

I Did Not Know What To Say I am very honored that Beliefnet.com has featured my EBook on 21 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend on their website. This piece was born out of my gratitude for my friends and family that were there to support me at time of great loss. Thank you Laurie Sue Brockway, Inspiration Editor at Beliefnet for all of your support.

How to Support Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One – 21 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend- Beliefnet.com

Losing a loved one can be an extremely difficult time in a person’s life. These 21 tips are meant to help you find supportive ways to assist someone you care about through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss. Written by Lori A. Pederson of IDidNotKnowWhatToSay.com.

Let us know if you have any ideas to add to the list. We are working on 101 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend and would love to hear your suggestions.

Posted in Grief Resources, Inspiration, Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter – Sign Up Today!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 18, 2010

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss. 

This month’s featured article:

What Grieving Moms Want for Mother’s Day:
The Comfort Company Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother’s Day Hurts

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter:
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
Plus
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Grief Resources, Grief Resources - Newsletter, Inspiration, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Mother, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Join the Discussion

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on March 9, 2010

We will be posting our discussion topics here on our Blog and on our Facebook page.  We invite you to join in on the discussion on either site.
 
Discussion Topic:

What is your favorite inspirational prayer for someone that has lost a loved one?

Please post your comments below.

Posted in Grief Resources | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter – Sign Up Today!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on November 18, 2009

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss.

November 2009-Featured Article:

Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season
By Lori Pederson

Join us as we explore the many ways you can support your friends and family through the holiday season after the loss of a loved one.   Be the gift they wished for this holiday season.

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter:
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
Plus
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Gratitude, Grief Resources, Grief Resources - Newsletter, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter – Sign Up Today!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on October 19, 2009

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss.

October 2009-Featured Article:

The Simple Ingredients for a Less Stressful Life by Jill Rheaume
Jill Rheaume is the owner and creator of www.OurStressfulLives.com

Stress. Stress creeps into all parts of our lives when we let it. We can even be stressed when we’re happy. But when we’re sad, stress seems magnified like our lives are moving in slides on the big screen…

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter:
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
Plus
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Grief Resources, Grief Resources - Newsletter, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter – Sign Up Today!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on August 15, 2009

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss. 

This month’s featured article:

SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I?
By Ann Leach, President, Life Preservers: a global grief support community

If we were honest with one another, I bet we’d both remember a time in our lives when we got the call that someone close to us has died.  And again, being honest, I bet after the initial shock or sadness came, the next thought was “yikes! What should I do?” 

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter:
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »