Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s out there and to my Mom watching over me!

Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or have lost their mother or grandmother. From my own experience, Mother’s Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother, grandmothers and from my miscarriage.

For those that are grieving today, my hope for you is that your family and friends surround you with the love and support you need to heal your heart today.

“My mom is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.  I may sometimes forget the words, but I always remember the tune.”
~Graycie Harmon

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Mother’s Day Remembrance & Grief Support Resources
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Miscarriage ~ Stillbirth ~ Infant Loss
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant loss.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Sending lots of love and hugs today,

Lori Pederson, Founder
I Did Not Know What To Say.com

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s out there and to my Mom watching over me!

Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or have lost their mother or grandmother. From my own experience, Mother’s Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother and from my miscarriage a few years ago.

For those that are grieving today, my hope for you is that your family and friends surround you with the love and support you need to heal your heart today.

 “A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”
~  Franchesca Cox

“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.”

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Mother’s Day Remembrance & Grief Support Resources
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Miscarriage ~ Stillbirth ~ Infant Loss
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant loss.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Sending lots of love and hugs today,

Lori Pederson, Founder
I Did Not Know What To Say.com

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s out there and to my Mom watching over me!

I know Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or have lost their mother or grandmother. From my own experience, Mother’s Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother and from my miscarriage a few years ago.

For those that are grieving today, my hope for you is that your family and friends surround you with the love and support you need to heal your heart today.

 “A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”
~  Franchesca Cox

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Mother’s Day Remembrance & Grief Support Resources
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Miscarriage ~ Stillbirth ~ Infant Loss
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant loss.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Sending lots of love and hugs today,

Lori Pederson, Founder
I Did Not Know What To Say.com

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s here and in Heaven and to my Mom who is always watching over me.

I know Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage or have lost their mother. From my own experience, Mother’s Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother and from my miscarriage a few years ago. For those that are grieving today, my hope for you is that you are comforted with warm memories of your mom, grandmother or your precious child.

“My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.
I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.”
~Graycie Harmon

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sign-Up Today for the FREE Grief Healing Telesummit: March 10 -18, 2014

Grief Healing Telesummit:

Enjoy free access to 17 amazing speakers who share their best information to
help you transform grief into healing and living again!

  Free Registration at http://griefhealingtelesummit.com/lpederson
March 10 -18, 2014
Please share with those with a grieving heart!

Look at this amazing line up of experts!
I Did Not Know What To Say – Wed. March 12 at 1pm EST
The Grief Toolbox Toolbox
What’s Your Grief
Peace & Wellness Centere
Embrace Your Inner Self
Simply Kerryy
Dorothy Fitzer
Global Association of Holistic Psychotherapy
With Sympathy Gifts & Keepsakes,
Tina Games, Michael Mapes, Margaret Paul, Maggie Chula, Uma Girish, Tabitha Jayne and
Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

Free Registration at http://griefhealingtelesummit.com/lpederson
March 10 -18, 2014
Please share with those with a grieving heart!

Virtual Book Tour – Interview with Annie Mitchell – Author of “HOLDING BACK THE TEARS”

Thank you for joining us on our Virtual Book Tour.

Today we welcome Annie Mitchell author of Holding Back the Tears. Annie’s interview offers many insights and practical suggestions on how to support a parent that is grieving the loss of their child from suicide.

Please feel free to comment or share your own experiences on how your friends and family have assisted you in restoring balance in your life after the loss of a loved one in the comment section below.

What inspired you to write the book Holding Back the Tears?

The loss of my son to suicide on 6th February 2000 age 26yrs born 1st June 1973 the hottest day of the year.

How did losing your son to suicide change your life?

It affected my health mentally and physically.
Mentally, I became a recluse, I was frightened to face people in fear of what they would say to me or not say to me.

I felt at the time I had to justify myself as to why my son took his own life as I felt I was to blame somehow. I was also frightened as I did not know what to say to them so I hid myself away from the world for 6yrs the only contact I had was with people on the internet and medical staff and my husband. I lost all contact with all family members who could not accept me for the person I had become. I felt low self-esteem and did not like myself for a long time, with having to cope with depression and anxiety on top of my grief it all became too overwhelming to cope on my own so I went and asked for help and accepted I needed it. I can be forgetful and very nervous in a social group but I can cope with these feelings by using self-help methods which again I learned through my journey.

Physically I tire very quickly and get stressed very quickly now. My energy is low so I have had to learn to pace myself out more over a day time. I can only take on small tasks and when I do, it takes me longer to complete these. This made me very frustrated indeed, but now I accept this is me now.

How does the death of a loved one by suicide differ from other losses?

In my own opinion, it differs as it is very unexpected if you expect a death of a loved one you prepare yourself for the worse to happen when this happens, it is unexpected and out of the blue and the last thing on your mind. So you are unprepared and in a state of shock.

Is there any one thing that your family or friends did for you that assisted you through the grieving process?
Yes, they did not focus all of my attention all on my grief, I was given space to for some me time to deal with my grief with a little guidance from them when I needed it also a lot of reassurance telling me it was normal to feel how I did at the time.

Our website focuses on providing tips to friends and family members on how to support a loved one through the grieving process. What would be your suggestions on how friends and family can support a loved that is grieving the loss of a child due to suicide?

Have patience and understanding and do not put a time limit on their loved ones grief recovery as for me, I did not really start to grieve until around two years later, even then I was still not believing my son was not coming back I did not want to accept that I would never see him again. I feel also for family and friends to accept you for who you are and not look for the person you once were as I felt I lost me after the very first contact of receiving the news of my son’s death. Something inside me broke and I knew then it could never mend. A bit like someone telling you shall never be able to stand up and walk the way you did ever again.

What do you wish your family or friends had done differently?

I wish they had, had a better way of communicating with me and did not pussyfoot around the fact my son was not coming back. For when they did this it only led to me feeling more and more confused and holding onto my belief that one day he would once again walk through my door.

Learning to cope with Grief is bad enough for the mother or father, etc. Who has been affected by their loss, but it is just as difficult for others around us as they too have to learn how to cope with you too. For some, especially those around me they would sometimes change the subject quickly or pretend you had not spoken or ignored the fact you were in the same room as them. Anything rather than cope with your pain. It was horrible for them and also for myself.

What are your top three suggestions to help people move forward in the grieving process after the loss of a child due to suicide?

Do not rush into anything, no matter what it is; going back to work or moving houses or even writing a book about your loss. Take time out to enjoy what you have in your life and what is going on around you at that moment in time.

Appreciate that you do have a future ahead of you to spend with your loved ones all around you.

What is one thing you would like readers to take away from your book?

To realize their loss was an important milestone in their life, one in which no parent ought to have had to face but to accept they did face it and that they can and shall come through it and go on to give themselves and others around them a stronger family bond, not take what they have for granted and to love and cherish every moment of every day they spend together which in return shall give their own life a purpose and a meaning.

What would you like our readers to know about you and your book?

Annie Mitchell (D.O.B 1953 – born in Scotland, to Scottish parents, a true Scottish Lassie grew up in Scotland and still lives in Scotland.

A Highly skilled ARTIST/WRITER/POET/MUSICIAN/THAI-CHI/POET/DANCER
Has sold many Art pieces throughout her life from miniature to full wall murals /pet portraits /Scottish landscapes to 3D textured sea scenery.  Master in all mediums.

I now put all my energy and time into devoting myself to my writing and promoting books my aim is to help others who have lost a loved one.   “HOLDING BACK THE TEARS”.

You can sit back and do absolutely nothing to help your bereavement grief loss situation and continue to feel the pain for longer with choosing not to try to help yourself.
Or you can choose to learn new ways of coping and accepting your loss and pain by using trial and error coping skills.

Have you written any other books? Do you plan to write any other books in the future?
Yes, I have a poetry book coming out soon with mothers in mind and others if they so wish. Available pocket size, I felt if I had had some little support which I could carry around with me in my pocket I could bring it out and read it whenever I felt the need for an emotional link to be once again with my child in thought and spirit it would give me great comfort on the darkest of my days.

BOOK IS AVAILABLE
http://www.rosegardenbooks.co.uk
HOLDING BACK THE TEARS is featured on our Helpful Books page –
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/helpfulbooks.html
Grief Support Resources: http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/grief_support_groups.html

We are accepting Article & Interview Submission for 2014

Are you an expert in the grief recovery field? Do you have a story about your own life experience dealing with the loss of a loved one that you would like to share? Do you have tips or suggestions on how to assist a loved one after a loss? We would love to hear from you. We are open to article and story submissions for our website, newsletter and Facebook page. Please email us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

We are open for article submission for our I Did Not Know What to SayTM newsletter on the following topics:
• Tips on how to assist a loved one through the grieving process
• Inspirational stories on recovering after the loss of a loved one
• Special ways to remember a loved one during the holidays
• Featured stories on individuals and organizations that are making a difference in the grief recovery field
• How to articles on planning for a future without you (i.e. Life Insurance, Estate Planning, and Funeral Planning)
Visit our Newsletter archives: http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

We are also looking for authors to be interviewed as part of our Virtual Book Tour.
If you are an author of one of the following types of books, please contact us to be included in our 2014 Virtual Book Tour:
• Recovering from the loss of a loved one (child, spouse, sibling, significant other, parent, grandparent, friend, and pet)
• Inspirational stories on recovering from the loss of a loved one
• Inspirational books on living your best life
Visit our Virtual Book Tour: http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/griefbooks-virtualbooktour.html

We are looking for the following types of professionals to interview as part of our Planning for a Life Without You™ series:
• Funeral Planner/Director
• Estate Planning Attorneys
• Life Insurance Providers
Have an idea for an article? Want to be interviewed? We would love to hear from you. Please submit your idea or article to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com

Sponsorships
If you have a product or service that you would like to advertise on our website or in one of our upcoming newsletters, please visit our website for more details on our advertising opportunities – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/advertise.html

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas for the Holidays

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas for the Holidays

Special Savings for the Holidays on Cyber Monday and throughout December on select gift items.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html
for special offers!

Christian Memorial Gifts
Gift Baskets & Food Gifts
Memorial Ornaments
Memorial Quilts & Throws
Trees, Flowers & Garden Memorials
Military Memorials Gifts
Miscarriage/Stillbirth Memorial Gifts
Personalized Memorial Frames
Personalized gift items
Pet Memorials
Remembrance Candles
Unique Gift Items
And Much More…

For Holiday Grief Support Resources, please visit our website at
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

Don’t Forget to Sign Up for our Free Monthly Newsletter ! http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one. Plus You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter Archive

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter Archive

Over the last several years we have provided articles and interviews on a variety of topics on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss. I have put together a resource list below for you to explore and/or pass on to a loved one that might benefit from these tools. 

If there is a specific topic that you would like us to include in one of our upcoming newsletters, please email us.
 

Understanding Grief 

Are Grief & Depression the Same Thing? 
by Mark D. Miller M.D.
Dr. Miller explores the differences between Grief and Depression.

 

Helping Dispel 5 Common Myths About Grief
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.,
Alan D. Wolfelt’s article describes five of the most common myths about grief. Through understanding and overcoming these myths we can find positive ways to help ourselves and others heal. 

Anticipating Grief
by Cheryline Lawson
Cheryline’s article gives an overview of how anticipating the loss of a loved one that is terminally ill can affect family, friends and the person who is dying.  
 

How to Support and Care for a Grieving Loved One

What To Say… When You Don’t Know What To Say 
by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Finding the words to support a loved one through the grieving process.

 

What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One  
by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Knowing what not to say can be just as important as finding the right words to comfort a  loved one when they are grieving.

 

SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I? 
by Ann Leach, President, Life Preservers: a global grief support community
Ann’s article will give you concrete ways to provide support in the simplest of ways to a     
grieving loved one.

 

The Art of the Inspirational Adventure

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Helpful way to assist your love one find fun & adventure again. 

 

On Writing: Your Stories Can Heal Your Heart  

by Joan Hitchens, Storybooks for Healing
Tips on how writing about a loved one can be an effective tool for those grieving to process their feelings and help them restore balance in their life.

 

The Gift of Listening

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
After the loss of a loved one, there is nothing more important you can do for a friend than being a good listener.  The Gift of Listening offers 10 Tips on how to improve your listening skills.

 

The Simple Ingredients for a Less Stressful Life

by Jill Rheaume, Creator, Our Stressful Lives
Jill’s article will explore healthy ways to handle the little and big stressors in your life. 

 

Tips for Feeding Grieving Friends  

by Tamar Fox
Tips to take into consideration if you’re called on to bring food to a family member or friend who’s ill, recovering from surgery, or dealing with a recent loss. 

 

What Will You Choose?  

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
You just received a phone call letting you know that your friend has lost a loved one. You now have a decision to make…What kind of supporter do you want to be? 

 

How to Choose a Thoughtful Sympathy Gift

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Tips on how to choose a sympathy gift that expresses your deep concern.

 

More Than Words Can Say

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Sharing gratitude to those that have provided support during a loss.

 

Walk Beside Me and Be My Friend
by Nan Zastrow 
Explores how relationships can change after the event of grief. Some relationships will strengthen, some relationships will end and new relationships will begin.
 
Please Cut the Grieving Some Slack
by Maribeth Coye Decker, Sacred Grove Bodywork
This article reminds us that we are all human and that we need to let kindness and forgiveness guide us when we encounter strange behaviors from those that are grieving.

Reaching out to the bereaved and getting no response
by Robbie Miller Kaplan, Author How to Say It, When You Don’t Know What to Say
Explores the reasons why someone may not respond when they are grieving and how to not take it personally.

How to Talk to Someone Who is Grieving
by Rachel Walton, MSN, CRNP
Rachel’s article offers many valuable suggestions on how to talk to and more importantly listen to someone who is grieving.

Effective Communication Skills During Grief and Mourning Following a Family or Relationship Death
by Rick Goodfriend
Rick Goodfriend’s article offers several useful suggestions on how to communicate effectively with a loved one that is grieving. 
 
Interview with Robbie Miller Kaplan – How to Say It, When You Don’t Know What to Say

How to Support a Grieving Loved One during the Holidays 

 

The First Holidays After a Loss – How You Can Offer Your Support
by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Tips on how to support a grieving friend or family member as they experience the holidays for the first time without their loved one.

 

 

Helping Children Grieve during the Holidays
by Miri Rossitto founder of Valley of Life memorial website & author of

 

A Guide to Children and Grief
Useful suggestions on how to assist a grieving child express their feelings of sadness as well as honor the memory of the loved one that passed away.

 

Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Having the support of friends and family during the holidays can make all the difference. Sometimes support and love are the best gifts you can give a friend that is grieving.

 

Less Than Perfect  

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To SaySometimes the perfect gift is not perfect at all. It is your willingness to look awkward and not know what to say, and yet still show up and be there for a friend that is grieving that matters most.

 

12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season

by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

Holidays can be a difficult time for those that are grieving. We have compiled a list of 12 simple and meaningful ways to support your grieving friends this holiday season.

 

Thanksgiving Memories: Love, Loss and Good Eats
by Gloria Arenson, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist 
A wonderful reminder of the simple ways to remember a loved one during the holidays.

How to Support a Grieving Window/Widower

Five Things You Can Do For a Grieving Widow  

by Marcy Kelly, Author of From Sorrow to Dancing
Marcy has provided us with her insights and suggestions on how to assist a grieving widow.

 

HAVE A “SINGLE-Y SENSATIONAL” VALENTINE’S DAY  

by Carole Brody Fleet, Author of Widows Wear Stilettos
Carol offers several fun filled suggestions on how to get through – and even enjoy Valentine’s Day when you are a widow or on your own.

 

Operation: Heaven

by Taryn Davis, Founder, The American Widow Project
Writings & Tips for those who know someone who has lost their hero in the military.

 

How To Date/Marry A Widow or Widower
by Ellen Gerst
Grief and Relationship Coach, Ellen Gerst, offers several practical suggestions on how to be sensitive to your partner’s loss and at the same time grow your relationship.

Interview with Pat Nowak – ABC’s of Widowhood 

Interview with Ellen Gerst – Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story 

Interview with Carole Brody Fleet – Widows Wear Stilettos 

Interview Marcy Kelly – From Sorrow to Dancing 

Interview with Lori A. Moore – Missing Andy 

Interview with Michael Corrigan – A Year and a Day

Interview with Jennifer Hawkins – The Gift Giver

Suicide Survivors

Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. article provides many useful strategies on how to support your friends and family dealing with this type of loss.

The Myths Surrounding Suicide
by Catherine Greenleaf
Catherine Greenleaf offers insightful information on how to assist a loved one that is a suicide survivor.

Interview with Catherine Greenleaf – Healing The Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations for People Who Have Lost a Loved One to Suicide

How to Support a Grieving Mom

What Grieving Moms Want for Mother’s Day: The Comfort Company Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother’s Day Hurts
Survey conducted by the Comfort Company – What Grieving Moms Want for Mother’s Day is a compilation of over 200 survey responses on how you can help the grieving moms in your life cope with Mother’s Day.

Broken Angel
by Janet Kohn, Co-Founder The Broken Angels Grief Support Group
Janet offers a simple, yet profound way to explain to friends how grief changes parents who have lost a child to substance abuse.

Am I a Mother – Tips for Handling Mother’s Day After Miscarriage
by Lisa Church of HopeXchange
Lisa Church’s article explores how to ease the pain of the loss of a pregnancy and how to find hope and healing.  For friends and family, Lisa’s article is a great resource on how to offer your support on Mother’s Day.

Loss from a Miscarriage and Stillborn 

Interview with Veronica Janus – Abundantly More  

Interview with Laura Smith – In All Things Giving Thanks When Hope Seems Lost 

How to Support a Grieving Dad 

Positive Ways to Support a Grieving Dad

by Kelly Farley, Founder of the Grieving Dad’s Project
Many men feel alone in their grief after the loss of a child. Kelly Farley, Founder of the Grieving Dad’s Project, offers many ways to support grieving dads by sharing his personal story.

Interview with Kelly Farley – Grieving Dads: To The Brink and Back

Loss of a Parent 

Mother’s Day Remembrance
by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Tips on how to support a loved one who is grieving the loss of their mom on Mother’s Day.

 

On Father’s Day, When He’s Gone, He’s Not Forgotten

by Janell Vasquez of Memories are Forever
Janell’s article offers many suggestions on how to create a lasting tribute by designing a personalized memory book to honor your father’s memory. 

 

What to Do on Father’s Day When Dad is Deceased
by Laurie Mueller, RTC, ID, AED, Med
Laurie Mueller offers practical tips to honor the important men in your life that have passed away.

Interview with Chelsea Hanson – Sympathy Matters Collection

Loss of a Pet  

Loss of a Pet – How to Bring Comfort to a Grieving Friend
 by Lori Pederson, Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Lori’s article offers several suggestions on how to support a friend that is grieving the loss of their beloved pet.

Support & Resources for Traumatic Loss and Natural Disasters

Natural Disaster Recovery Guide
by Dwight Bain
Dwight Bain’s article is an insightful look at the emotional side of disaster recovery.

Resources for Traumatic Loss 
Resources and helpful tips on ways to support those that are grieving in the wake of a tragedy. If you have a resource to share, please email us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com. 

How to Support a Grieving Child

Interview with Lynn S. Combes – A Garden Full of Butterflies

Virtual Book Tour – Interview with Lynn S. Combes – “A Garden Full of Butterflies”

Thank you for joining us on our Virtual Book Tour.

Today we welcome Lynn S Combes, author of A Garden Full Of Butterflies. Lynn’s interview offers many insights and practical suggestions on how to support a child that is grieving.

Please feel free to comment or share your own experiences on how your friends and family have assisted you in restoring balance in your life after the loss of a loved one in the comment section below.

What inspired you to write the book “A Garden Full Of Butterflies”?

I can honestly say that my inspirations came from the Lord. To say anything different would be dishonest.  I never contemplated writing a book. But I began to have a feeling that constantly was tugging at my heart that I needed to write a book about grief. I tried to ignore my feelings thinking that it was not something I could do.  The feelings became stronger and more often.  Finally, I gave into those feelings and once I did my fingers flew across the keyboard.  I believe each word, scripture, thought and idea came from the Lord.  All the glory for this book is His.

How do you feel your book can assist a child that is grieving the loss of a parent or a family member?

Children sometimes will not talk to adults about their feelings for several reasons.  They don’t understand their feelings and therefore cannot express them, they don’t want to talk to an adult for fear of making them sad, or they feel unique with what they are going through and feel they no longer fit in.  A Garden Full of Butterflies talks about all these feelings and more. Children will be able to recognize these feelings through the main character Marissa and be able to identify with her. It also talks about how Marissa worked out some of these problems with the help of others. It is written in a simple way that children can understand.            

What do you feel adults can learn from your book?

Several adults that have read my book have commented that it gave them peace and comfort.  They have mentioned that they enjoyed the fact that it was not a text book talking about the stages of grief. It was an easy read story that gently led the main character Marissa through the stages of grief.  It also openly talks about how the only way to eternal life is through salvation in Jesus.

Children tend to handle grief differently than adults, what suggestions do you have for parents on how to talk to their children about the feelings they are experiencing? 

Children are a lot more accepting, and understanding than we give them credit for.  I believe honesty to be the most important factor when talking to a child.  For example, telling a child that “grandma” went to sleep could make a child question sleeping and possibly make them afraid of sleep, or be fearful that others may die when they go to sleep.  When talking to children use words that they can understand and are in simple terms.  Encourage your child to ask questions and give them answers that are simple. Let your child know that death does not have to be final because Jesus died on the cross so that we can have eternal life with Him. 

Our website focuses on providing tips to friends and family members on how to support a loved one through the grieving process.  What suggestions do you have for our readers on how they can support a child that is grieving?

A child needs time to grieve just as much as an adult does.  However, a child will probably have a lot of questions, but may be afraid to ask them.  Try to get the child to talk to you and be honest.  Sometimes the child may have a question that we don’t have an answer for.  Let them see that it’s ok for them to be sad, and it’s ok to miss the person, and’s ok that they don’t understand the feelings that they are experiencing.  Explain to them  that it is ok that we miss our loved one, let them know that you miss them also, but actually that person is now in heaven where everything is perfect and they are happy, and healthy and walking where the streets are gold and they one day will see them again.

One activity that I would sometimes do with children that are grieving is to have a child write a letter to that loved one (if the child could not write I would let the child dictate what they wanted to say and I would write it or I would have them draw a picture) I would then tie the letter to some helium balloons and let the letter fly into the heavens.   This activity would allow them to express feelings they did not want to talk about.            

You have had a very personal experience with grief, what suggestions do you have for our readers on how to support parents that are grieving the loss of a child?

Everyone grieves differently, therefore don’t expect those that are grieving to be a text book example of how you believe they should act.  The grief they are experiencing may vary depending on if the death was anticipatory or sudden. However, I believe that the loss of a child is probably the greatest grief to overcome because you are always thinking of everything you and your child missed and should be experiencing together.  However, be available to the parents that are grieving.  Don’t avoid them thinking that they want to be alone, because usually they are looking for someone to talk to that knew their child.  Don’t be afraid to mention the child.  It is very important to the parents that there child remains alive in the memory of others.  Be available the first year as the parents hit all the “firsts” without their child.  First birthday, first Christmas etc. will be hard.  Never tell them they can have other children, no one can replace the child they have lost even if they decide to have others, the loss of that child still remains. As time goes on they will have good days and bad days – accept that and let them have them.  Above all just let them know that you care and when they want to talk you listen and when they don’t want to talk let them know you understand and it’s OK!

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things have passed away.  Rev.21:4

How did your faith guide you in writing “A Garden Full Of Butterflies”?

 As I mentioned early I believe completely that the Lord placed it in my heart to write my book.  I believe that He guided each and every word, scripture thought and idea. My affirmation came when my book was just about ready to be released.   I received a phone call from my publisher that I could expect the first copy of my book to be delivered in a week.  This was considered “the authors copy” because it was the first copy.  Six weeks later the books would go “live” meaning my book would now be available to the public, on book shelves etc.  My authors copy arrived on Friday, 5 days after I received the phone call from Crossbooks/Lifeway.  On Monday I received another copy. I thought it was just an oversight that I received another “authors” copy.  The next day, Tuesday, I received a phone call from a friend that needed my book immediately because the father of a young girl on her daughter’s soccer team had been killed that weekend in a motorcycle accident.  She wanted to give that young girl my book at the memorial service.  I knew then that it was not an accident or oversight that I received two “authors” copies. It was all part of the Lord’s plan. A few weeks after the memorial service the little girl came up to my friend and had told her that because of the book she knew how to handle a few situations that had come up at school.

What is one thing you would like your readers to take away from your book?

This world is only temporary for everyone.  Death is part of life, however for those that have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ the end of this world is the beginning of eternity, where we will meet up with loved ones once again. 

What would you like our readers to know about you and your book?

 My daughter, Jennifer was five years old when the Lord called her home unexpectedly.  Even though I was a believer my family, and friends were afraid I would never get over the death of my little girl.  Immediately, the Lord wrapped His love and compassion around me and I felt the peace that passes all understanding.  In my grief I began reading any Christian book on grief I could get my hands on.  I needed to identify with others that had been through what I was going through. I needed to see that others had made it and I could also. 

A Garden Full of Butterflies was written many years after Jennifer’s death. However, the Lord’s timing is perfect and it is not for us to understand the reason.  A Garden Full of Butterflies is proof that the Lord can turn a tragedy into a triumph.

                          All things work together for the good to those that love the Lord.  Romans 8:28

 
Is this your first book, and do you have plans for another book?

 A Garden Full of Butterflies is my first book.  I am contemplating writing another book.

About Lynn S Combes

Lynn S Combes was born in Queens, New York.   After I was married I moved with my husband to Florida to raise a family.  I have lived in Florida for thirty four years.  My husband and I have raised three children together.  Our first daughter was called home to be with the Lord at the age of five.  The death of my daughter prompted me to become educated in the grieving process.  I felt a desire to help others deal with grief. This desire led me to work at a local Hospice organization where I implemented, developed, and oversaw bereavement programs.  I later went on to complete my Master’s Degree in elementary education, specializing in Childhood Learning Disabilities. My background in grief has given me a number of opportunities to speak to groups, individuals and organizations on the grieving process. However, each time I speak I stress that it was my faith and the Lord that brought me through my grief, and the promise that I know one day I will be with Jennifer again.  Her death was not the end – for her it was the beginning.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the lord forever.  Psalm 23:6               

A Garden Full of Butterflies can be reviewed and also purchased at: www.lynnscombes.com