I Did Not Know What To Say Blog

Posts Tagged ‘grieving mothers’

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s out there and to my Mom watching over me!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on May 13, 2018

Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or have lost their mother or grandmother. From my own experience, Mother’s Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother, grandmothers and from my miscarriage.

For those that are grieving today, my hope for you is that your family and friends surround you with the love and support you need to heal your heart today.

“My mom is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.  I may sometimes forget the words, but I always remember the tune.”
~Graycie Harmon

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Mother’s Day Remembrance & Grief Support Resources
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Miscarriage ~ Stillbirth ~ Infant Loss
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant loss.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Sending lots of love and hugs today,

Lori Pederson, Founder
I Did Not Know What To Say.com

Posted in Grief Support & Holidays, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Mother, Miscarriage, Mother's Day, Stillborn, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® – Sunday, December 11, 2011 7pm

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on December 10, 2011

Guest Post from Compassionate Friends

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® 

 Hundreds of Open Services Now Being Planned for Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11 to Remember Children

 Anticipation of a very special and memorable day grows as the 15th Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11, 2011 nears. The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance.

In 2010, information was submitted to TCF’s national website on services in 15 countries outside the United States including more than 530 services, as this special day continues to grow. TCF has been joined in recent years by chapters of several organizations including MISS, MADD, Parents of Murdered Children, SIDS Network, Gilda’s Club, and BPUSA and for several years services have been held in all 50 states plus WashingtonD.C. and Puerto Rico. There is no way to know how many hundreds of additional services open to the public are held in the U.S. and around the world each year without the information being sent to us.

The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations were joined in 2010 by local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children’s gardens, schools, cemeteries, and community centers. Services have ranged in size from just a few people to nearly a thousand.

Every year you are invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book which will be available, during the event, at TCF’s national website. Last year in that short one day span, nearly five thousand messages of love were received and posted from every U.S. state and Washington D.C., every territory, as well as dozens of other countries, with some posts in foreign languages.

Here in the United States, publicity about the event is widespread, being featured over the years in Dear Abby, Annie’s Mailbox, Ann Landers column, Parade Magazine, Guideposts magazine, and literally hundreds of U.S. newspapers, dozens of television stations, and numerous websites and hundreds of personal blogs. Information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and planned memorial candle lighting services (of which we are advised) is posted on TCF’s national website every year as the event nears.

View Dear Abby’s column from December 4, 2011 and read a letter from TCF’s Executive Director Pat Loder about what this event means to those who have suffered the tragic loss of a child. Here’s a news video posted December 8, 2011 about The Compassionate Friends and the Worldwide Candle Lighting by KLTV in Tyler,TX.

If no Worldwide Candle Lighting service was held near you last year, please feel free to plan one open to the public this year or next year. You are welcome to use TCF’s “Suggestions to Help Plan a Memorial Service in Conjunction with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting©” to help in planning the service. All allied bereavement organizations, churches, funeral homes, hospices, and formal and informal bereavement groups are invited to join in the remembrance. When you firm up plans for your candle lighting, open to the public, please return to this site and submit the event information form so TCF can list your service with the many hundreds held in the United States and around the world. The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child . . . that their light may always shine!

Media Stories and Videos on the 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting

TCF 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting Press Release (Oct. 6, 2010): Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting During Holiday Season Remembers All Children Who Have Died

Posted in Grief Resources, Grief Support & Holidays, Holiday Grief Support, Loss of a Child, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Virtual Book Tour – Interview with Veronica Janus – Author of “ABUNDANTLY MORE”

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on August 24, 2011

Today we welcome Veronica Janus – Author of “ABUNDANTLY MORE”.  Veronica’s interview offers many insights on how to support a grieving loved one that has experienced a stillborn loss.

Please feel free to comment or share your own experiences on how your friends and family have assisted you in restoring balance in your life after the loss of a loved one in the comment section below. 

1. You gave birth to a stillborn daughter at 25 weeks. Could you briefly describe the situation and your emotions surrounding this?

“I gave birth to a 20-week old stillborn baby girl on July 10, 2004.  We had known from week 12 that she had a fatal condition called hydrops and on the morning of July 9th, I could not find her heart beat.  For 6 weeks I had checked her heart beat every day with a home doppler given to me by a nurse friend.  I called my husband first and then my midwife.  I was sad, but calm and felt peace.  I knew the moment was coming. 

That afternoon we went for an ultrasound to confirm Theresa’s death. They also performed an amnio which determined that Turner’s Syndrome was the ultimate cause of the hydrops. I was admitted to labor and delivery, given an epidural and pitocin to start labor. It was like any normal delivery except my baby had passed away. 

During the 12 hour labor we had pastors, grief counselors, social workers, and chaplains visit. But our comfort came from our personal faith in God and our church community who offered tremendous support.  We had praise music playing in the delivery room in the early morning and when Theresa was born there was an overwhelming sense of peace in the room. Everything was very quiet and still. We got to spend a couple of hours with Theresa holding her, taking pictures, and saying goodbye. After delivery I spent two days in the hospital like most new moms but left empty handed.  That was difficult.”

2. What words brought you comfort as your pregnancy progressed and the diagnosis wasn’t improving?

The most comforting words to me were that when Theresa would pass away she would go and be with the best parent ever. She would be in Heaven straight from the womb. She would never know the pains of this world. Only love. That is all I wanted for my child. If she lived I wouldn’t be able to give her that. There would be sorrow and suffering in her life. Of course there would be joy too. But for her to only know love, wow, what a gift!

3. Since you knew that your baby was dying, did you consider an abortion?

I know this is a touchy issue, and that people make other choices. For my husband and I, we believe that all life is sacred and we do not decide who lives and who dies, only God. In hindsight, we also see that our experience with Theresa touched a lot of people along the way, especially in the delivery room.  The way God helped us to deal with it was visible to many and my husband believes this was the purpose God had given for her life.  She fulfilled that purpose and how could you ask for more than that?” 

 4. Did life ever feel “normal” during this difficult time?

Not really. I was carrying a dying child for a long time:  eight weeks. Yes, I had to care for my one-year old, my husband, run a household, my job, church, friends and so forth but my dying child was always with me. While other pregnant friends talked about how they would decorate the nursery, I thought about how to prepare for my baby girl’s funeral.

5. Did you have any more children after Theresa?

Yes, after Theresa I had a baby girl in 2005, a miscarriage in 2006, and a baby boy in 2007. My baby boy was born with six congenital heart defects and spent nine weeks at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Today he is three and doing great! 

6. Do you find that one person may be able to say something to you that would be inappropriate for another person to say?

Yes, there are people who are great listeners and those who need a little work. 😉 I find that those people who are good listeners and show genuine interest in you and your situation do not affect me if they say something inappropriate, even if they are a stranger. Whereas someone who has not bothered to find out about me, who I am, or my situation and says something inappropriate is harder to forgive, even if they are a friend or relative.

 7. You have suffered a lot. Why is your book titled, “Abundantly More”?

There is a verse in the Bible, Ephesians 3:20, where these words are mentioned. This is where I got my title. The verse explains that only God is able to give you more than you ever imagined, and this is true in all situations, even the difficult ones. Through God much good can come out of a deep and dark place. Material things or loving words from people may give you comfort and joy but it’s only temporary. I believe only God can give you sustained comfort and joy that goes beyond your imagination.

Veronica Janus is a mother, writer, and the founder of Forever Moments, an organization that gives families with babies in the ICU hope and joy through photography (2009-2011). The author was born and raised in Sweden and moved to the United States to pursue undergraduate and graduate work. She holds an MA in Theater and Communications and a MEd in English. Veronica lives in Chicago with her husband and three young children.

The link to order the book through Winepress Publishing is https://www.winepressbooks.com/product.asp?pid=3346&search=Janus&select=Keywords&ss=1. The book will be available for purchase in bookstores everywhere in a few weeks.

Posted in Loss of a Child, Miscarriage, Stillborn, Virtual Book Tour | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »