I Did Not Know What To Say Blog

Archive for April, 2010

Stress and Dealing with Loss

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 29, 2010

Our Interview featured on Our Stressfull Lives.

Dealing with loss of a loved one can be difficult, but what about the friends, family members, and co-workers who are trying to offer help and support? The stress that can come from helping someone through the grief process can be overwhelming at times and often we just don’t know what to say or do to help.

Lori Pederson is the creator of www.IdidNotKnowWhattoSay.com (I Did Not Know What To Say) and specializes in helping those who are supporting someone else through the loss of a loved one and through the grieving process.

Lori was generous enough to take the time to answer a few questions to help us learn how to deal with loss from the perspective of the caring and concerned friend, family member, or co-worker to help relieve some of the stress that comes with helping those who are experiencing great loss.

OurStressfulLives.com: Helping a friend, family member, or co-worker dealing with loss can be stressful. What encouragement or insight do you have for those who are stressed by the difficulty of finding the best way to help their friend/family member grieve?

Lori Pederson: First, recognize that your friend or colleague may not know what they need in the first few weeks after they have experienced a loss. Offer your support by listening and assisting them with the daily tasks of living-grocery shopping, cleaning house, taking children to school, etc.

Know your limits. If you start feeling overwhelmed with assisting your friend with the heavy emotions that can come with grief, try to assist them in finding a grief support group. You may want to offer to attend a grief support group with them to give them emotional support.

OurStressfulLives.com: Do you find that friends and family members of people who are grieving experience higher levels of stress during that time?

Lori Pederson: The grieving process can be stressful for everyone. Friends and family often don’t know what to say or do for someone that is going through deep emotional pain. We often want to try to “fix” the person and not being able to take the pain away can be stressful.

I remember when my aunt passed away, my uncle would go through periods of deep sobbing. It was so difficult to watch, not only because I was dealing with my own feelings of loss but I felt helpless and unable to “fix” his pain. After watching him go through his deep emotional pain, I found that it was so important for him to go through the deep feelings to get to the other side of his grief.

Remember that you do not have to “fix” the person and that it is ok to allow them to go through the necessary stages of grief. Knowing that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel helps ease some of the stress.

OurStressfulLives.com: What are your suggestions for those who experience stress when dealing with a friend or family member who is grieving?

Lori Pederson:
Know your limits. If the stress of dealing with your friend or family member becomes too much for you, be honest and try to find a support group for yourself as well as your loved one.

Take a time out. Dealing with someone in grief 24-7 can be very stressful. Know that it is ok to take time for you.

Try to incorporate fun and exercise into your day. It is ok to try to incorporate fun into your life and the life of those grieving. Find ways that bring joy back into your friend’s life. What do they enjoy doing? What is a great adventure you can take them on? Exercise is also a wonderful way to relieve stress. Take them for a walk; get them out of the house. This will help both of you.

OurStressfulLives.com: I’ve found that some people can experience anger when grieving, which can be stressful on those around them, especially if the person who is grieving doesn’t want any help or support. How do you suggest friends and family members deal with someone who is grieving “angrily”?

Lori Pederson: Don’t take it personally. I know this is very difficult to do. You first need to understand that the person is projecting their fears and deep sadness onto those around them. Anger is also one of the many stages of grief.

In 1993 I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, two weeks later my aunt was killed in a car accident and one of my mentors also passed away from ovarian cancer. I was trying very hard to keep myself together. I had just returned to work and during a meeting a colleague of mine was acting inappropriately. After the meeting I found myself extremely angry and I started yelling at her and could not stop (not my finest moment). What happened next was truly a gift. Instead of becoming angry and taking it personally or even yelling back at me, she just came up to me and gave me a hug. To this day I am extremely grateful that my friend chose to show support and compassion instead of greeting me with more anger.

OurStressfulLives.com: Many people consider their pets to be part of their family, I certainly do. When someone is grieving over the loss of a pet, do the same “rules” apply for helping them grieve, or is there something different/special you suggest people do to help with that type of grief?

Lori Pederson: Pets provide unconditional love and companionship. Many people are insensitive when it comes to the loss of a pet. They figure you can just get another one. For people that love their pets, it is not that simple. The loss of a pet can cause a great void in the life of their owner.

Understanding, thoughtfulness and support are wonderful gifts you can give your loved one when they have lost a pet.

We have also found some wonderful Pet Sympathy gifts and have listed them on our site at:

OurStressfulLives.com: What do you want readers of OurStressfulLives.com to know about you and/or your website?

Lori Pederson: I created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. My expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide. Over the past twenty years, I have lost many family members, including my mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.

Throughout my life I have been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for me as I experienced these great losses. I understand that although people want to help, they often don’t know where to start. I Did Not Know What To Say.com was created out of my desire to assist people find the words when they don’t know what to say or do.

For more tips and support to help you live a less stressful life, sign up for your Free monthly copy of the Stress Free Living ezine!

© 2010 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Posted in Gratitude, Grief Resources, Inspiration, Loss of a Mother, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter – Sign Up Today!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 18, 2010

Don’t miss our monthly newsletter featuring tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist a loved one through the journey of restoring balance in their life after a loss. 

This month’s featured article:

What Grieving Moms Want for Mother’s Day:
The Comfort Company Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother’s Day Hurts

To read more, Click on the link below to sign up for our Monthly Newsletter:

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Grief Resources, Grief Resources - Newsletter, Inspiration, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Mother, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Thoughtful Memorial Gift Ideas for Mother’s Day & Memorial Day!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 16, 2010

 Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy & Memorial Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special discounts for Mother’s Day!

Special Mother’s Day Memorial Gift Ideas
Memorial Quilts & Throws
Military Memorial Gifts
Special Keepsake Gifts for a Miscarriage

Design You Own Gift Baskets
Personalized Memorial Frames
Personalized gift items
Pet Memorials
KindNotes to leave throughout the year

Christian Sympathy Cards & Gifts
Unique Gift Items
Inspirational Movies & Books

And More…

Don’t Forget to Sign Up for our Free Monthly Newsletter !

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Posted in Loss of a Child, Loss of a Mother, Military Loss, Miscarriage, Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Our Interview with Mary-Suzanne Peters on Reference Point Therapy

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 7, 2010

What is the basic concept around Reference Point Therapy (RPT)? 

Reference Point Therapy (RPT) is a new healing modality from Australia that uses the principles of Quantum Physics to release and clear trauma and negative emotional vibrations from their point of origin (which is usually before birth).  These vibrations create the beliefs and feelings that paint with negative paintbrushes on the reality of our lives. 

Can Reference Point Therapy be used to heal depression or grief?

I’ve used RPT to heal grief and depression both in myself and in others. Feelings of sadness and loss are a natural and healthy part of the process of letting go of someone who has passed from this physical reality.  It is when they are compounded by already existing patterns of loss and sorrow that there can be cause for concern.  If there’s been a lot of grief or depression in a family for generations, then it is likely that members of the family will have inherited this in their cellular biology

How does Reference Point Therapy work?

RPT works from the point of origin to allow these emotional vibrations to release.  It is a gentle and easy process of allowing that usually smaller first vibration to let go.  Also, at the point of that first vibration associations are made between the negative vibration and survival, safety or love and with these associations in our subconscious anything that is a minor threat is also triggered.   It is this source vibration and the associations that like the cartoon snowball starts to grow through the generations and becomes an avalanche of emotional tones such as grief and depression.  With this in play, it makes dealing with the losses throughout our current life seem insurmountable. 

If a friend is suffering from grief or depression, how would you suggest talking to them about using Reference Point Therapy?

This is a tough question because it depends so much on the situation and the friend to whom you are speaking.  First and foremost, be sensitive to the situation.  Many have tried so many things for grief and depression that they just don’t believe anything can work.  The good news about RPT is that you don’t need to believe in it.  However, you do need to be willing to be a part of the process. Often a difference can be felt in one session, so probably the best way is to ask “what have you got to lose” in checking it out. 

What has attracted you to using Reference Point Therapy in your own life?

RPT is the most powerful and fastest energy change modality I’ve found.  I’ve been on a quest for most of my life to find ways to heal deep feelings of not being good enough, being unloved, second best and feelings of loss.  This journey has led me though many healing modalities, so I feel that I have the experience to judge.  When I found RPT, I was already developing something along the same lines myself.  RPT was much more elegant and simple than what I’d been using, so I adopted it. 

About Mary-Suzanne Peters 

Mary-Suzanne Peters is a well-known Southern California spiritual teacher and healer with over 30 years experience in personal growth training, workshop development, facilitation and personal counseling and coaching.  She has taught over 100 classes in various aspects of healing and writes a popular blog, www.referencepointtherapyla.com, which deals with issues of healing and spirituality.

Suzanne grew up in the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia and realized early on that she felt more anxiety and negatively inside her than others. This was the driving force that led her on her healing journey toward the self-love that she now feels.  Her journey led her through NLP, est, LifeSpring, Insight Training Seminars, Conyers Consciousness Clearing and eventually to become a Theta Healing teacher. Like Simon Rose, founder of RPT, she, too, was puzzled as to why certain people healed and certain ones didn’t and had been experimenting on her own with new ways to achieve faster, fuller and easier methods of emotional and physical healing.  Upon finding Reference Point Therapy, her response was “Yes!  Yes!  Yes!.”

She is also a professional photographer, artist and marketing/creativity consultant.  Spring boarding from a position as an Executive Vice President of a management consulting firm, she founded several companies and has been an executive coach, workshop facilitator and leadership development consultant to Fortune 500 companies including Taco Bell, Nike, Kentucky Fried Chicken, American Express and Resorts International.  Believing that action and learning go together, Ms. Peters facilitated workshops centered around golf and scuba diving.  She incorporates synergistic interaction, fun, laughter, joy, and movement in her classes as well as her private coaching.  Her current clientele include people from around the world. 

Suzanne sees clients face to face in the Los Angeles area and via telephone and Skype.  She also conducts group RPT synergy healing classes via teleconferences.

“My greatest joy is seeing the sparkling diamond that is our true beingness emerge as the limiting vibrations and trauma that has clouded our forward progress dissolves.” — Suzanne

To Schedule your RPT session, contact Mary-Suzanne at (818) 590-0062!

Posted in Grief Resources, Inspiration, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Happy Easter!

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 3, 2010

Easter’s Song

Easter is a newborn time,
A time when nature sings;
A time for newborn colors,
A time for newborn wings.
A time when God renews in all
A hope for things to be;
When He looks down on nature
And says, Now, sing of Me!
~~ Unknown

Posted in Gratitude, Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »