I Did Not Know What To Say Blog

Archive for April, 2009

Ten Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 28, 2009

When a friend, colleague or family member is going through the grieving process, there is so much more you can do for them then just sending flowers.   Having the support of friends and family can make all the difference.  Here are some suggestions:

  1. Listen, Listen, Listen.  One of the most important things you can do is to make yourself available and truly listen.
  2. Send a card or letter letting the person know you care.  Holidays, birthdays and the anniversary of the person’s death can be particularly difficult.  Sending a card or note during these special times let’s your friend know they are not alone.
  3. Make a phone call or stop by to make sure the person is doing ok.
  4. Take the person on an inspirational adventure- what do they love to do?  Reconnect them with life and joy through the simple pleasures of life.  Do they love bike riding?  Going to the beach?  Walking through the park?  Make it simple and allow them the opportunity to talk about how they are feeling.
  5. Make them dinner or take them out for dinner or coffee.   Allow them the space to talk about how they are feeling.
  6.  Help them put together a memory book of pictures and mementos of the person that has passed away.  This will give them a chance to connect with the special times they spent with their loved one.
  7. Help them take care of everyday tasks.  Take out the trash, wash the dishes, go grocery shopping, take their dog for a walk, wash their car, mow their lawn, take the kids to school, etc.   Taking care of the everyday tasks can allow the family time to grieve and handle the many responsibilities of planning a funeral and readjusting their lives.
  8. When they are ready, help them go through the clothing of the deceased.  Many families will donate clothing to a charity or give items to friends and family.  The gift of your time through this very difficult process will be greatly appreciated.
  9.  Allow the person the opportunity to grieve.  The grieving process does not end at the funeral.   It takes time and allowing your friend the space to go through the normal stages of grief can help with their overall recovery.
  10. Send a gift of hope, inspiration, relaxation, and rejuvenation.   Send an inspirational book, a journal, a memory book, a funny movie, a beautiful picture, a mediation CD, a day at the spa, or any gift item that helps your friend with the healing process.  See our website for Thoughtful Gift Ideas: http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html

What did your friends and family do for you when you went through a loss that made you feel better?

What did you wish someone had done for you?

 We would love to hear your stories.

For  Ten More Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One– See our Blog at:

Warm Thoughts,  Lori


© 2009 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.


Posted in Grief Resources, What to do for someone that is grieving | 6 Comments »

Sometimes you just have to laugh…

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 13, 2009

I received this email the other day about a phone call a person received after their loved one had died.   Not sure if it is a real call but from experience it is probably based on some thread of truth.  Sometimes things get so absurd you just have to laugh a little.


And the call goes something like this..


A lady died this past January, and the Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the Bank. 


Here is the exchange:

Family Member:   ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.

The Bank:  ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’ 

Family Member: ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.

The Bank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’ 

The Bank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’ 

Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’ 

The Bank: ‘Excuse me?’

Family Member: ‘Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?’

The Bank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.’ 

The Bank: ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’  

Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’ 

The Bank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’

Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)  

The Bank:  ‘Could you fax us a certificate of death?’

Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given) 

After they get the fax :
The Bank: ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’ 

Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’

The Bank:  ‘Well, the late fees and charges will still apply
(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’

The Bank: ‘That might help…’

Family Member:  ‘ Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.’

The Bank: ‘But Sir, that’s a cemetery!’ 

Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’ 


Posted in Humor | Leave a Comment »

I Have Been Richly Blessed

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 13, 2009

When I launched this website, my aunt took a look at all the letters and support I had received from my friends when my mom had passed away. She was amazed at how supportive people had been and commented on how lucky I was to have friends that cared so much. I was saddened to hear that she had not received the same type of support.

I am deeply appreciative of all the love and support I have received from my friends and family through the many loses in my life.  It is from this deep appreciation that I have created the website I Did Not Know What To Say.

My wish is that people will come to our website to find ideas that will encourage them to do something supportive and inspirational for their friends and family members when they need their support the most.

My greatest hope is that everyone receives love and support when they are going through a loss. That when they feel lost and alone they receive a card, a phone call or a small gift that gives them hope.

We invite you to share your inspirational stories with our readers.

With Love, Lori

Posted in Gratitude | 1 Comment »

To the Families in Binghamton, NY

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 6, 2009

We send our love and deepest compassion to the families in Binghamton, NY.

There is no easy way to go through the loss of a loved one from such a tragic event. You are allowed to be at a loss; to be in pain; to be angry; and to wonder why.

Please know that many people are holding you in their hearts and sending their love out to you. Your loss is shared by all of us.

With Love Lori

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

We would love to hear your stories…

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 1, 2009

Finding the words to express your deepest feelings when a friend or love one is going through a great loss can sometimes be difficult.  Our website is about sharing inspirational messages that we hope will help you find the words when you Don’t Know What To Say.

We would love to hear your stories…

What inspired you when you went through a great loss?

What did you wish someone had done for you?

Sending Hugs, Lori



Posted in Inspiration | Leave a Comment »