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Posts Tagged ‘What not to say to a grieving loved one’

It’s About How You LIVE – Taking The Fear Out Of Conversations About Advance Care Planning, Serious Illness and End of Life Care.

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on October 2, 2017

My interview will air on Tuesday, October 3.

I am honored to have been invited to be a part of a wonderful telesummit that began airing September 15 called,

It’s About How You LIVE – Taking The Fear Out Of Conversations About Advance Care Planning, Serious Illness and End of Life Care.

You will have free access to my interview which is called, “What to Say…When You Don’t Know What to Say”. Along with my interview, you will also have access to 20 other experts in their respective fields speaking about topics including-

  • Advance Care Planning
  • Care Giving
  • Serious Illness and Palliative Care
  • Hospice and End of Life Care
  • Grief

If you are a medical professional, a care giver, someone who has a serious illness, someone grieving a loss, or if you are simply interested in learning more about these topics, this telesummit is for YOU! If you don’t like to talk, or even think, about some of these topics, if you struggle getting your loved ones to talk about these topics, or if you are ready to take the fear out of discussing these important topics, this telesummit is for YOU!

Each of the 21 experts are passionate about their field, and after hearing their interviews, you will walk away amazed at the amount of valuable information you learned. This is a unique opportunity to learn from the best of the best, so please be sure to take advantage of this free event by registering today. Just click here to register now! www.itsabouthowyoulive.com

I am excited to share my interview with you, as well as the other 20 interviews from this distinguished group of experts. Register today, and share this with your family and friends as well. We want everyone to have the opportunity to listen and learn from this amazing group because… It’s About How You LIVE!

All the best to you! See you at the telesummit! Click here to register – www.itsabouthowyoulive.com

Lori Pederson – www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com

Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

My interview will air on Tuesday, October 3.

Posted in Caregiver, Funeral Planning, Grief Resources, Grief Support Discussion Topics, Hospice/Palliative Care, Planning For A Future Without You, What Not To Say, What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One

Posted by ididnotknowwhattosay on April 26, 2011

Knowing what not to say can be just as important as finding the right words to comfort a loved one when they are grieving.  Many of the following sayings might seem on the surface to be the “right” thing to say; after all you have probably heard them said at a funeral.  However, to a person grieving these common “words of support” encourage them to deny their true emotions and can be hurtful.

Here are a few sayings to try to avoid:

  1. The I’ll be there For You…But Not Really Response.
    Call me if you need to talk! (but the person is always too busy to talk to you).

    When you are feeling extremely vulnerable, you want to be able to count on friends and family to be there for you.  One of the most common stories I have heard from those that are grieving, are that friends and even family often avoid them when they need them the most.  Try to do your best to return phone calls and stop by and listen.  It may seem difficult at times but it can be truly healing to a friend in need.
  2. The Look on the Bright Side Response
    Your loss is nothing compared to what I heard in the news the other day, you should be thankful.  You are young; you can always have another child.  Don’t worry, you can always get remarried.  Don’t be sad, they are in a better place now.  Your mother lived a long life; you shouldn’t be upset that she passed away.  

    Grief is unique to each individual.  Just because someone else’s life may be more dramatic does not make your friend’s pain any less important to them.  Allow your loved one to freely share their personal story. 
  3. The Overly Negative Response
    You must feel so lost.  Things are really going to be awful for you for awhile.  You poor thing, life will never be the same. You must have a dark cloud over you.  How do you think your loved one would feel if they saw you like this?  If you were more religious these things would not be happening to you.

    Someone who is grieving is already feeling overwhelmed and sad.  These negative comments have a way of making someone feel even worse.  If you are really trying to sympathize with their feelings, try asking them how they are feeling and allow them to express what they are going through.
  4. The Just Get Over It Response
    Are you better now?  Your loved one passed away so long ago, why are you still upset?  Crying and being depressed will not bring your loved one back.  Oh it’s just an animal, you can get another one.

    Grief is not a disease or a psychological condition you can take a pill for and be cured.  You don’t “just get over it”. When you have experienced a loss, you learn day by day to live your life without your loved one but the loss is not erased from your memory.  Allow your friend to heal at their own pace.

Wow, so is there anything you can say? 

Most people do not consciously say things to be hurtful.  They have either heard them said a hundred times so they don’t understand how they might affect someone or they become so nervous about saying the “right” thing that the words come out awkward.

One of the most important things to remember when you are trying to comfort a grieving friend is to not diminish their feelings.   Grief is normal.  You may become uncomfortable when watching someone go through the deep emotional pain that can occur when someone is grieving, that is normal too.  If you desire to be a supportive friend, allow the person to feel the full range of emotions they are feeling – both the celebration of the person’s life and the deep feelings of loss and loneliness.   By allowing grief to take its natural progression you will assist your friend reach a sense of balance in their life. 

The best thing you can do is keep it simple and heartfelt.   Not sure what to say… why not start with asking yourself this simple question… What would you like someone to say to you if you lost a loved one?  

Remember to…Hug them, Love them, Show up and Listen.  You will do more for your friend by showing up and listening than any words can ever say. 

© 2011 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Posted in What Not To Say, What Not to Say to a Grieving Loved One, What to do for someone that is grieving | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »