Valentine’s Grief Support Resources

How to Support a Grieving Loved one on Valentine’s Day

Articles – Valentine’s Day & the Loss of a Loved One

Getting Through Valentine’s Day Alone by Open to Hope

Dealing with Holiday Grief by Beliefnet.com

Grief Healing: Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine’s Day by June Cook

The Heartbreak of Valentines Day by Maureen Hunter

Self Healing Expressions Grief Course Instructor Suggests 7 Grief Rituals for Valentine’s Day

Loss of a Spouse Virtual Book Tour

Interview with Jennifer Hawkins – The Gift Giver

Interview with Pat Nowak – ABC’s of Widowhood

Interview with Ellen Gerst – Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Interview with Michael Corrigan – A Year and a Day

Interview with Carole Brody Fleet – “Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow”

Interview with Lori A. Moore – Missing Andy

Interview with Marcy Kelly – From Sorrow to Dancing

ARTICLES – Loss of a Spouse

25 Things You Can Do For A Widow On Valentine’s Day - Sheryl Kurland, The Relationship Insider

Operation: Heaven Writings & Tips for Those Who Know Someone Who Has Lost Their Hero in the Military by Taryn Davis – Founder/President, The American Widow Project

Five Things You Can Do for a Grieving Widow by Marcy Kelly, Author of From Sorrow to Dancing

HAVE A “SINGLE-Y SENSATIONAL” VALENTINE’S DAY by Carole Brody Fleet, Author of Widows Wear Stilettos

How to Date/Marry A Widow or Widower by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing

Widowhood: A Time for Reinvention by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

A Single Woman’s Adventures in Ballroom Dancing by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing

Love After Loss – Writing the Rest of Your Story by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Valentine’s Day: The Best Way To Acknowledge It…Is To Acknowledge Others by Widow Chick

Sh*t People Say to Widows (Video) by Fresh Widow

I Did Not Know What To Say – Additional Resources

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Loss of a Spouse/Significant Other
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Helpful Books
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Additional Grief Support Resources

Do you have a resource to share? Please include your resource in the Comment Section below.

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® – Sunday, December 11, 2011 7pm

Guest Post from Compassionate Friends

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® 
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Special-Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx

 Hundreds of Open Services Now Being Planned for Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11 to Remember Children

 Anticipation of a very special and memorable day grows as the 15th Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11, 2011 nears. The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance.

In 2010, information was submitted to TCF’s national website on services in 15 countries outside the United States including more than 530 services, as this special day continues to grow. TCF has been joined in recent years by chapters of several organizations including MISS, MADD, Parents of Murdered Children, SIDS Network, Gilda’s Club, and BPUSA and for several years services have been held in all 50 states plus WashingtonD.C. and Puerto Rico. There is no way to know how many hundreds of additional services open to the public are held in the U.S. and around the world each year without the information being sent to us.

The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations were joined in 2010 by local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children’s gardens, schools, cemeteries, and community centers. Services have ranged in size from just a few people to nearly a thousand.

Every year you are invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book which will be available, during the event, at TCF’s national website. Last year in that short one day span, nearly five thousand messages of love were received and posted from every U.S. state and Washington D.C., every territory, as well as dozens of other countries, with some posts in foreign languages.

Here in the United States, publicity about the event is widespread, being featured over the years in Dear Abby, Annie’s Mailbox, Ann Landers column, Parade Magazine, Guideposts magazine, and literally hundreds of U.S. newspapers, dozens of television stations, and numerous websites and hundreds of personal blogs. Information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and planned memorial candle lighting services (of which we are advised) is posted on TCF’s national website every year as the event nears.

View Dear Abby’s column from December 4, 2011 and read a letter from TCF’s Executive Director Pat Loder about what this event means to those who have suffered the tragic loss of a child. Here’s a news video posted December 8, 2011 about The Compassionate Friends and the Worldwide Candle Lighting by KLTV in Tyler,TX.

If no Worldwide Candle Lighting service was held near you last year, please feel free to plan one open to the public this year or next year. You are welcome to use TCF’s “Suggestions to Help Plan a Memorial Service in Conjunction with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting©” to help in planning the service. All allied bereavement organizations, churches, funeral homes, hospices, and formal and informal bereavement groups are invited to join in the remembrance. When you firm up plans for your candle lighting, open to the public, please return to this site and submit the event information form so TCF can list your service with the many hundreds held in the United States and around the world. The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child . . . that their light may always shine!

Media Stories and Videos on the 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting

TCF 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting Press Release (Oct. 6, 2010): Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting During Holiday Season Remembers All Children Who Have Died

Holiday Grief Support Resources

How to Support a Loved one During the Holidays 

• The First Holidays After a Loss – How You Can Offer Your Support by Lori Pederson
• 12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season by Lori Pederson
• Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season by Lori Pederson
• Less than Perfect by Lori Pederson
• Eight Tips to Help Families Survive the Holidays After a Child Has Died by Compassionate Friends
• How to Choose a Thoughtful Sympathy Gift by Lori Pederson
• Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas
  

Holiday Grief Support Groups & Resources

• Grief Share – Surviving the Holidays events – http://www.griefshare.org/holidays
• Good Grief Center – Click Here Holiday Support Groups at GGC
  
• Grief & the Holidays: a Survival Guide – Good Grief Center for Bereavement Support
  
• The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting – December 11, 2011. Click Here for Services in your area.
  
• How to Survive Your Grief – Holiday Grief Support Teleconference
• Surviving the Holidays – Thoughts on Coping. . . – GriefNet.org
• Coping with Grief during the Holidays - Funeralplan.com
  
• Getting through the Holidays When You are Grieving by Maureen Hunter
  
• Coping with Holiday Grief – Sutter Care at Home
  
• Grief and the Holidays – Hospice Foundation of America
  
• Children and Loss: When Holidays Trigger Grief – Psychology Today
  
• Finding Holiday Joy Amid the Grief – WedMD
  
• Meaningful Remembrance Ideas for Holiday Grief – Beliefnet.net
  
• 7 Ways to Deal with Holiday Grief – World of Psychology
• Pre-Planning for the Holidays in Bradenton — Senior Care Bradenton
  
• Be sure to check with your local Hospice for Holiday Grief Support Groups available in your area.

Click Here for Additional Grief Support Resources

Do you have a Grief Support Resource to share? Please email your information to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com or use the COMMENT Section below and we will add your submission to our website.

12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season

The holidays are upon us and it seems that many people have decided to simplify their holiday traditions this year. Instead of spending hours shopping and getting frustrated at the mall, they have decided to spend quality time with friends and family. 

In the spirit of simplicity and kindness, we have compiled a list of 12 simple and memorable ways to support a grieving loved one this holiday season. This list comes from the suggestions submitted by our online community. So take a minute to check your holiday To Do List and be sure you have added your grieving loved ones to the list.

1. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge the loss. One of the most important things you can do for a friend that is grieving is to understand that special occasions and holidays may be filled with both sorrow and joy. A message as simple as “I know the holidays may be difficult for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.” will let them know you care.

2. Listen and allow the tears to flow. Allow your friend the opportunity to feel all the feelings he or she is experiencing this time of year.

3. Allow the person to set the pace. Grief is a little like a roller coaster with many ups and downs. Your friend may want to cry one minute, talk about fun memories the next and then the next may want to have some time alone. Respect their needs and understand that their change in mood is not about you.

4. Encourage your friend to talk about the person that has passed away. If you knew the person, share your fond memories too.

5. Invite your friend to join you for your holiday gathering. As family members pass away, traditions change and a loved one may not be able to spend the holidays with their family. Including them in your family festivities will help ease the loneliness they may be feeling this time of year.

6. Send a card and be sure to acknowledge the loss. Don’t be afraid to mention the person’s name or to include your own personal memories of the person that has passed away.

7. Visit the cemetery with your friend or leave flowers with a note for the family at the gravesite.

8. Prepare your friend’s favorite holiday treat or a favorite food of the person that has passed away. Each year I prepare my mother’s holiday cookies to remember her love for the holidays.

9. Create a scrapbook of memories. Ask friends and family to write down their memories of the loved one that has passed away and put together a scrapbook of pictures and stories to give to your grieving friend.

10. Make a donation to their favorite charity in memory of the person that has passed away.

11. Encourage them to take care of themselves. Self care is very important to the healing process. Give a gift of pampering at a spa or prepare a care package that includes a relaxation CD, bath salts, and an aromatherapy candle. If going to a spa is not their way of relaxing, find an activity that brings them joy and relaxation.

12. Don’t run for the hills. Many people are afraid to be around a person that is grieving. They often treat the grieving person as though they have a contagious disease. A true friend is the one that stands by their friend and allows them the space to feel all the feelings they are going through…the good and the bad.

Offering your support, understanding and companionship during the holidays will be a cherished gift. Be sure to listen to your friend’s wishes and do not force him or her to participate in activities that may be overwhelming. Be sure to only offer your support if you know you can truly follow through. And remember, it is the simple acts of kindness that are delivered with an open heart that are remembered year after year.

 “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia

We invite you to share your holiday stories and suggestions with us on our Blog or by email at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special Holiday Sympathy Gift Ideas and Special Discounts.

 Holiday Memorial Ornaments  – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts-memorialornaments.html

Holiday Grief Support Resources – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

 

© 2009 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Happy Valentine’s Day

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would repost one of my favorite quotes for this time of year.

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all – one known only by those who love….Unknown

If you are a widow or widower or a friend looking for ways to help a grieving friend this Valentine’s Day, here are a few resources to explore:

Dealing with Holiday Grief
http://blog.beliefnet.com/inspirationreport/2011/02/dealing-with-holiday-grief.html

Grief Healing: Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine’s Day
http://searchwarp.com/swa296061.htm

Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain – Marcy Kelly
http://marcythecoach.com/blog/widow/valentines-day-for-widows-no-valentine-just-pain/

Widowhood: A Time for Reinvention by Ellen Gerst
http://www.scribd.com/doc/40913525/Widowhood-A-Time-for-Reinvention

A Single Woman’s Adventures in Ballroom Dancing by Marcy Kelly
http://marcythecoach.com/blog/widow/adventures-in-ballroom-dancing/

Love After Loss – Writing the Rest of Your Story by Ellen Gerst
http://www.scribd.com/doc/45803211/Love-After-Loss-Writing-the-Rest-of-Your-Story-Introduction-by-Ellen-Gerst

I Did Not Know What To Say Blog Interviews and Articles for Widows
http://ididnotknowwhattosay.wordpress.com/category/widow/

I Did Not Know What To Say – Helpful Books
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/helpfulbooks.html

Please let us know if you have a resource to share.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Lori

Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season by Lori Pederson

The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone.  When you have lost a loved one, the holidays can be filled with mixed emotions of joy and sorrow.  After the loss of my mother, the first Thanksgiving and Christmas were filled with a sense of displacement.  My mother always hosted the holidays at her home.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and birthdays were always a celebration with many family and friends. 
 
After my mom passed away that all changed.  The first few years were an adjustment. I was blessed to be included in my sister’s family festivities and when my dad moved back to California we were able to start new family traditions.
 
Over the holidays my home is still filled with memories of my mother’s love for the holidays.  I have combined my new holiday decorations and traditions with some of my mom’s favorites.  Making my mom’s favorite holiday recipes each year helps me connect with her spirit and makes me feel like she is right there with me.
 
As we move into the holiday season, remember that your friends and family members that have lost a loved one may be experiencing deep feelings of loss.  Be sure to take the time to connect with them and let them know that they are loved.
 
Here are a few ways to be the gift they were hoping for this holiday season: 

• Invite your loved one to join you for your holiday gathering.  As family members pass away, traditions change and a loved one may not be able to spend the holidays with their family.  Including them in your family festivities will help ease the loneliness they may be feeling this time of year.
• Make a special date to go to dinner, have coffee, or to go shopping to have some private one-on-one time.  This special time will allow them the opportunity to talk about their feelings.
• Help them with holiday arrangements.  If they are hosting a holiday gathering, offer to help them prepare the food or offer to go shopping for them to take a little stress off of their shoulders.  Ask if they would like you to prepare a favorite food that may have been a family tradition.
• Take them out for a special day of pampering to a spa or to have a massage.  Relaxation and pampering will assist both of you with the stress of the holidays.
• Celebrate the memories of their loved one by sharing stories and going through photo albums together.  This activity will give your friend or family member the opportunity to celebrate their happy memories. 

Having the support of friends and family during the holidays can make all the difference.  So as you are making out your To Do List for the holidays, be sure to include those friends and family members that might need a little extra love and care this time of year.
 
We invite you to share your holiday stories and suggestions with us on our Blog or by email at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special Holiday Memorial Gift Ideas.

Holiday Memorial Ornaments – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts-memorialornaments.html

 Holiday Grief Support Resources – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

© 2009 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What to Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.  If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.