Mother’s Day Remembrance

Mother’s Day Remembrance
Tips on how to support a loved one who is grieving the loss of their mom on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day for many is a day of family celebrations. But for those of us whose mothers have passed away, Mother’s Day can be a day filled with sadness and longing to have one more day to spend with our mothers. 

If you have a friend or relative whose mother has passed away, here are a few suggestions on how to reach out to them on Mother’s Day.

1. Acknowledge the loss. Take a few minutes to let your friend know that you are thinking about them and remembering their loss by sending them a card or giving them a call on Mother’s Day.
2. Listen, Listen, Listen.One of the most important things you can do is to make yourself available and truly listen.
3. Don’t minimize the loss if they are older. Losing one’s mother is a significant loss, nomatter what age the person is when it occurs. Don’t trivialize the loss if the person is older.
4. Send a gift of remembrance. Consider sending a personalized gift that honors the memory of your friend’s mother. Some suggestions include: a personalized picture frame, a memory book with photos of their mother, a tree memorial they can plant in their garden, or a special piece of jewelry that reminds them of their mother. Click herefor more gift ideas.
5. Take them to their mom’s favorite place for brunch or to a special spot. Is there a place that they traditionally took their mom on Mother’s Day?
6. Send flowers.Consider sending them a bouquet of their mother’s favorite flowers and include a card with a message “Thinking of you and remembering your mom today.”
7. Write a tribute. If you knew their mom, write a tribute and send it with a card or if they have a memorial site, post it on the site on Mother’s Day.
8. Help them plan a Mother’s Day Memorial. Help create a day of celebration that friends and family can share stories and pictures that celebrate the life of the mother that has passed away.
9. Take them on an adventure.Holidays can be heavy, filled with a wide array of emotions. If your friend is up for an adventure, think of activities that will bring your friend joy. Go for a spa day, play a round of golf, take them to an amusement park, or go away for the weekend to a place they always wanted to go. Make it fun and stress free.
10. Respect their decision on how they would like to spend Mother’s Day. Understand that there will be times that your grieving friend may want to be alone or may want to completely ignore the day. There were many years that I would go to the beach by myself on Mother’s Day to be alone with my thoughts.

Holidays, like Mother’s Day, birthdays, and the anniversary of the person’s death can be difficult, particularly the first year. A simple act of kindness that is delivered with an open heart during these special occasions lets your loved one know they are not alone.

Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom’s memory on Mother’s Day? We would love to be able to share your story with our readers. Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com or include them in the comment section below.

Loss of a Parent
Resources on how to support a loved one grieving the loss of a parent.

Mother’s Day Remembrance Gifts
Loss of a child, Miscarriage/Stillborn, Loss of a Mother & Loss of a Grandmother

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

©2012 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a loved one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a loved one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Happy Easter!

“Let the resurrection joy lift us from loneliness and weakness and despair

to strength and beauty and happiness”

~ Floyd W. Tomkins

Widow/Widower Valentine’s Day Grief Support Resources

If you are a widow or widower or a friend looking for ways to help a grieving friend this Valentine’s Day, here are a few resources to explore:

Virtual Book Tour

Interview with Jennifer Hawkins – The Gift Giver

Interview with Pat Nowak – ABC’s of Widowhood

Interview with Ellen Gerst – Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Interview with Michael Corrigan – A Year and a Day

Interview with Carole Brody Fleet – “Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow”

Interview with Lori A. Moore – Missing Andy

Interview with Marcy Kelly – From Sorrow to Dancing

ARTICLES

Operation: Heaven Writings & Tips for Those Who Know Someone Who Has Lost Their Hero in the Military
by Taryn Davis – Founder/President, The American Widow Project

Five Things You Can Do for a Grieving Widow
by Marcy Kelly, Author of From Sorrow to Dancing

HAVE A “SINGLE-Y SENSATIONAL” VALENTINE’S DAY
by Carole Brody Fleet, Author of Widows Wear Stilettos

How to Date/Marry A Widow or Widower
by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain
by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing

Widowhood: A Time for Reinvention
by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

A Single Woman’s Adventures in Ballroom Dancing
by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing

Love After Loss – Writing the Rest of Your Story
by Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach & Author of Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Valentine’s Day: The Best Way To Acknowledge It…Is To Acknowledge Others
by Widow Chick

Sh*t People Say to Widows (Video)
by Fresh Widow

GRIEF SUPPORT GROUPS

American Widow Project The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow.

Bubba’s Belly Run Bubba’s Run is a 5K run in honor and memory of Captain Brian “Bubba” Bunting’s race to grow his family and for the benefit of his children’s education. All proceeds generated from this race will be used to support Bubba’s children’s education, The Fisher House™, American Widow Project, and Flat Daddies.

Camp Widow™ is a weekend long gathering of widows from across the country, and around the world. We come together to create a community of people who understand the life altering experience of widowhood. Camp Widow™ provides practical tools, valuable resources, and peer-based encouragement for rebuilding your life in the aftermath of the death of a spouse.

Fresh Widow Young widowed Mom shares resources, ideas, humor, facts, perspective + energy for your path after loss.

Lost and Found Lighting the way to help you find renewal from personal loss
Ellen Gerst, Relationship Coach

Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation Welcome to the community at the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. We work hard to provide a national network of support for anyone grieving the loss of someone they love–with a special emphasis on those who have been widowed. SSLF offers a variety of programs intended to connect our members for the two-fold purpose of providing peer based support opportunities, and connecting the many wonderful organizations that provide services offering comfort for those traveling the difficult journey of grief.
Widows to Young Helping widows under 50 continue to live.

Widows Wear Stilettos We are pleased to announce that we have formed Widows Wear Stilettos in-person support groups throughout the United States. There are NO CHARGES, FEES OR MEMBERSHIP DUES REQUIRED in order to attend any Widows Wear Stilettos in-person support group.

Widows Wear Stilettos is delighted to announce the formation of the “First Month” Foundation; a non-profit foundation that will be dedicated to providing specific financial assistance to the widowed.

WIDOWS MINISTRY IN RESPONSE to our God-given assignment, Widows International is raising Kingdom awareness by teaching, training and transforming the Body of Christ and the widow. Ever advancing, we provide resources through seminars, conferences on widowhood, speaking engagements, counsel, written materials, along with a residential program. Globally, Widows International in a cooperative effort with international and local ministries provides evangelistic rallies to care for and empower the widows to take their nation for Christ.

theWiddahood.com A free social support network dedicated to anyone who has suffered the loss of a significant other.

WidowChick Grief management through humor and coping using the power of positive thinking.

Young Widow Our mission is to provide a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online. Through these connections, young widows and widowers find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.

I Did Not Know What To Say – Helpful Books

I Did Not Know What To Say – Grief Support Groups

Do you have a resource to share? Please include your resource in the Comment Section below.

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® – Sunday, December 11, 2011 7pm

Guest Post from Compassionate Friends

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting® 
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Special-Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx

 Hundreds of Open Services Now Being Planned for Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11 to Remember Children

 Anticipation of a very special and memorable day grows as the 15th Worldwide Candle Lighting December 11, 2011 nears. The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance.

In 2010, information was submitted to TCF’s national website on services in 15 countries outside the United States including more than 530 services, as this special day continues to grow. TCF has been joined in recent years by chapters of several organizations including MISS, MADD, Parents of Murdered Children, SIDS Network, Gilda’s Club, and BPUSA and for several years services have been held in all 50 states plus WashingtonD.C. and Puerto Rico. There is no way to know how many hundreds of additional services open to the public are held in the U.S. and around the world each year without the information being sent to us.

The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations were joined in 2010 by local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children’s gardens, schools, cemeteries, and community centers. Services have ranged in size from just a few people to nearly a thousand.

Every year you are invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book which will be available, during the event, at TCF’s national website. Last year in that short one day span, nearly five thousand messages of love were received and posted from every U.S. state and Washington D.C., every territory, as well as dozens of other countries, with some posts in foreign languages.

Here in the United States, publicity about the event is widespread, being featured over the years in Dear Abby, Annie’s Mailbox, Ann Landers column, Parade Magazine, Guideposts magazine, and literally hundreds of U.S. newspapers, dozens of television stations, and numerous websites and hundreds of personal blogs. Information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and planned memorial candle lighting services (of which we are advised) is posted on TCF’s national website every year as the event nears.

View Dear Abby’s column from December 4, 2011 and read a letter from TCF’s Executive Director Pat Loder about what this event means to those who have suffered the tragic loss of a child. Here’s a news video posted December 8, 2011 about The Compassionate Friends and the Worldwide Candle Lighting by KLTV in Tyler,TX.

If no Worldwide Candle Lighting service was held near you last year, please feel free to plan one open to the public this year or next year. You are welcome to use TCF’s “Suggestions to Help Plan a Memorial Service in Conjunction with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting©” to help in planning the service. All allied bereavement organizations, churches, funeral homes, hospices, and formal and informal bereavement groups are invited to join in the remembrance. When you firm up plans for your candle lighting, open to the public, please return to this site and submit the event information form so TCF can list your service with the many hundreds held in the United States and around the world. The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child . . . that their light may always shine!

Media Stories and Videos on the 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting

TCF 2010 Worldwide Candle Lighting Press Release (Oct. 6, 2010): Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting During Holiday Season Remembers All Children Who Have Died

Thoughtful Memorial & Sympathy Gifts for the Holidays

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas for the Holidays

Special Savings for the Holidays on Black Friday, Cyber Monday and throughout December on select gift items.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special offers and discount codes!

Christian Memorial Gifts
Design Your Own Gift Baskets
Kindnotes
Memorial Gifts
Memorial Ornaments
Memorial Quilts & Throws
Memorial Trees
Military Memorial Gifts
Miscarriage/Stillbirth Memorial Gifts
Personalized Memorial Frames
Personalized gift items
Pet Memorials
Remembrance Candles
Unique Gift Items
And More…

For Holiday Grief Support Resouces, please visit our website at http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

Don’t Forget to Sign Up for our Free Monthly Newsletter !
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
Plus
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”

Happy Thanksgiving from I Did Not Know What To Say.com

May Your Thanksgiving be Filled with Many Blessings!

Happy Thanksgiving from I Did Not Know What To Say.com

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

Holiday Grief Support Resources

How to Support a Loved one During the Holidays 

• The First Holidays After a Loss – How You Can Offer Your Support by Lori Pederson
• 12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season by Lori Pederson
• Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season by Lori Pederson
• Less than Perfect by Lori Pederson
• Eight Tips to Help Families Survive the Holidays After a Child Has Died by Compassionate Friends
• How to Choose a Thoughtful Sympathy Gift by Lori Pederson
• Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas
  

Holiday Grief Support Groups & Resources

• Grief Share – Surviving the Holidays events – http://www.griefshare.org/holidays
• Good Grief Center – Click Here Holiday Support Groups at GGC
  
• Grief & the Holidays: a Survival Guide – Good Grief Center for Bereavement Support
  
• The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting – December 11, 2011. Click Here for Services in your area.
  
• How to Survive Your Grief – Holiday Grief Support Teleconference
• Surviving the Holidays – Thoughts on Coping. . . – GriefNet.org
• Coping with Grief during the Holidays - Funeralplan.com
  
• Getting through the Holidays When You are Grieving by Maureen Hunter
  
• Coping with Holiday Grief – Sutter Care at Home
  
• Grief and the Holidays – Hospice Foundation of America
  
• Children and Loss: When Holidays Trigger Grief – Psychology Today
  
• Finding Holiday Joy Amid the Grief – WedMD
  
• Meaningful Remembrance Ideas for Holiday Grief – Beliefnet.net
  
• 7 Ways to Deal with Holiday Grief – World of Psychology
• Pre-Planning for the Holidays in Bradenton — Senior Care Bradenton
  
• Be sure to check with your local Hospice for Holiday Grief Support Groups available in your area.

Click Here for Additional Grief Support Resources

Do you have a Grief Support Resource to share? Please email your information to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com or use the COMMENT Section below and we will add your submission to our website.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day – Thursday, November 17, 2011

Children’s Grief Awareness Day^SM

 

About the Day

Children’s Grief Awareness Day is observed every year on the Thursday before Thanksgiving. This time of year is a particularly appropriate time to support grieving children because the holiday season is often an especially difficult time after a death. Children’s Grief Awareness Day seeks to bring attention to the fact that often support can make all the difference in the life of a grieving child.

In 2011, Children’s Grief Awareness Day will be Thursday, November 17.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day provides an opportunity for all of us to raise awareness of the painful impact that the death of a loved one has in the life of a child, an opportunity for all of us to recognize and support the millions of grieving children across the nation—the thousands of grieving children right in our own communities—and the grieving children we know and see in our daily lives, an opportunity to make sure that these children receive the support they need.

Excerpt from: http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com/cp2/cgad/index.shtml

For More Information:

Children’s Grief Awareness Day on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/ChildrensGriefAwarenessDay

Highmark Caring Place – http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com/cp2/cgad/index.shtml

Holding on to HOPE – http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com/cp2/cgad/hope/index.shtml

12 Simple Ways to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday Season

The holidays are upon us and it seems that many people have decided to simplify their holiday traditions this year. Instead of spending hours shopping and getting frustrated at the mall, they have decided to spend quality time with friends and family. 

In the spirit of simplicity and kindness, we have compiled a list of 12 simple and memorable ways to support a grieving loved one this holiday season. This list comes from the suggestions submitted by our online community. So take a minute to check your holiday To Do List and be sure you have added your grieving loved ones to the list.

1. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge the loss. One of the most important things you can do for a friend that is grieving is to understand that special occasions and holidays may be filled with both sorrow and joy. A message as simple as “I know the holidays may be difficult for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.” will let them know you care.

2. Listen and allow the tears to flow. Allow your friend the opportunity to feel all the feelings he or she is experiencing this time of year.

3. Allow the person to set the pace. Grief is a little like a roller coaster with many ups and downs. Your friend may want to cry one minute, talk about fun memories the next and then the next may want to have some time alone. Respect their needs and understand that their change in mood is not about you.

4. Encourage your friend to talk about the person that has passed away. If you knew the person, share your fond memories too.

5. Invite your friend to join you for your holiday gathering. As family members pass away, traditions change and a loved one may not be able to spend the holidays with their family. Including them in your family festivities will help ease the loneliness they may be feeling this time of year.

6. Send a card and be sure to acknowledge the loss. Don’t be afraid to mention the person’s name or to include your own personal memories of the person that has passed away.

7. Visit the cemetery with your friend or leave flowers with a note for the family at the gravesite.

8. Prepare your friend’s favorite holiday treat or a favorite food of the person that has passed away. Each year I prepare my mother’s holiday cookies to remember her love for the holidays.

9. Create a scrapbook of memories. Ask friends and family to write down their memories of the loved one that has passed away and put together a scrapbook of pictures and stories to give to your grieving friend.

10. Make a donation to their favorite charity in memory of the person that has passed away.

11. Encourage them to take care of themselves. Self care is very important to the healing process. Give a gift of pampering at a spa or prepare a care package that includes a relaxation CD, bath salts, and an aromatherapy candle. If going to a spa is not their way of relaxing, find an activity that brings them joy and relaxation.

12. Don’t run for the hills. Many people are afraid to be around a person that is grieving. They often treat the grieving person as though they have a contagious disease. A true friend is the one that stands by their friend and allows them the space to feel all the feelings they are going through…the good and the bad.

Offering your support, understanding and companionship during the holidays will be a cherished gift. Be sure to listen to your friend’s wishes and do not force him or her to participate in activities that may be overwhelming. Be sure to only offer your support if you know you can truly follow through. And remember, it is the simple acts of kindness that are delivered with an open heart that are remembered year after year.

 “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia

We invite you to share your holiday stories and suggestions with us on our Blog or by email at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special Holiday Sympathy Gift Ideas and Special Discounts.

 Holiday Memorial Ornaments  – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts-memorialornaments.html

Holiday Grief Support Resources – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

 

© 2009 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Less Than Perfect

During the holidays we hear a lot about being “perfect”.  We try to make the perfect meal, set the perfect table, find the perfect gift and create the perfect holiday.  Sometimes the perfect gift is not perfect at all.  It is your willingness to look awkward and not know what to say, and yet still show up and be there for a loved one that is grieving. 

Over the last few weeks I have been trying to find the perfect thing to say to one of my friends that unexpectedly lost her husband.  In my search to find the perfect gift and write the perfect note, I have become paralyzed in moving forward with my good intentions.

How often does this happen to all of us?  We miss the opportunity to bring light and joy to an individual that is hurting because we have become stuck in our desire to be “perfect”.   Our need to be perfect is often combined with our fear of saying the wrong thing or not wanting to face our own fears about death.  It is our willingness to move past these fears that makes all the difference. 

Through the stress and the rush of the season, I encourage you to take the time to truly connect with your loved ones that are grieving.  Your support will be the gift that they remember for many years to come, even if it is less than perfect.

 And with that in mind, I am off to the Post Office to send my less than perfect gift to my friend and hope that it will bring joy to her this holiday season.

We invite you to share your holiday stories and suggestions with us on our Blog or by email at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Be sure to visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page on our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts.html for special Holiday Sympathy Gift Ideas.

Holiday Memorial Ornaments – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/gifts-memorialornaments.html

Holiday Grief Support Resources – http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/Holiday_Grief_Support.html

© 2009 Lori Pederson, I Did Not Know What To Say
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

Don’t Forget to Sign Up for our Free Monthly Newsletter !
http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/mailinglist.html

Our Newsletter includes tips, articles and inspirational stories on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one.
Plus
You will receive my FREE Special Report, “Twenty-Five Supportive Things You Can Do For Someone That Has Lost a Loved One ~ Plus Ten Thoughtful Gift Ideas”